Disclosure: This post is made possible with support from the American Academy of Pediatrics through a cooperative agreement with the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. All opinions are my own.
In early February of this year, I wrote a blog post urging everyone to “Find Your 3” to establish a support network and avoid ACEs (“Adverse Childhood Experiences”) or mitigate their effects. It is amazing to think about how much our world has changed since then as a result of the COVID-19 pandemic. With “social distancing” and stay-at-home measures suddenly being implemented indefinitely, our family, like countless others, finds itself physically isolated in our home.
Although we may be required to maintain social distancing, this does not mean that we must become socially isolated. Now, perhaps even more than before, it is imperative that we reach out to our support networks, as well as make ourselves available to help those who may be relying on us. Making sure our kids maintain the safe and secure relationships they have already developed will be a powerful way to help them cope, and also may help mitigate ACEs during this potentially difficult time. Here are some ways our family has stayed connected with those who are part of our “three.”
I took this picture of my kids just three days before the governor issued a stay at home order for our state.
Our lives have certainly changed dramatically since then!
Stay Connected Through Intentional Screen Time
Technology has been a key component in allowing everyone in my family to stay connected to our support systems. Since my children no longer have daily personal interactions with their teachers, coaches, scout leaders, peers, etc., we need to be more intentional in how we engage with them. While “too much screen time” is an issue that pretty much every parent I know wrestles with, these are also unusual times and technology is the most effective tool to keep us connected during this time. However, as parents, we still need to monitor our children’s screen time to make sure that their time spent online is benefiting their mental and emotional needs. The same is true for adults; I personally have experienced “Zoom fatigue” and I can attest to the fact that spending too much time on screens can have negative physical and psychological effects. The trick is to experiment and find the right balance for our personal needs. We need to use technology to our advantage and not to our detriment during this time of social distancing.
School
My kids have been very fortunate in that their schools and teachers were able to ramp up their ability to connect with students relatively quickly. In the beginning, implementing all of the new technology along with my kids was a little overwhelming. There was definitely a learning curve in figuring out how to implement a schedule and keeping track of all our new ways of meeting. We missed or were late to a couple of our video conferences, so we learned to set audio alarms with Alexa. We had arguments over bandwidth when we were all on the internet at the same time, so we had to learn how to prioritize our needs and compromise.
Both of my kids have weekly check-ins with their teachers through Google Meet. These check-ins enable teachers to ask if their students need any help. Their teachers have also made themselves available through email or an online video platform by appointment. If your kids’ teachers are not as proactive, do not be afraid to reach out to them. Teachers are also a great first contact if you need services from your school district, which provides many resources for students. My kids have also been able to stay in contact with their classmates online, which is important so that they do not feel like they are going through this uncertain time alone.
Church
Our church provides an important support network for our family. My daughter has been able to continue meeting with her youth group and staff through an app called Discord. They still meet weekly at their regular time on Friday nights. Even though it is not the same as meeting in person, it is a good way for her to stay connected. My husband and I have also been able to continue meeting with our church small group through Zoom once a week. It is a time that we can share news about our lives and let others know of any needs we may have. I know that many churches are doing similar virtual meetings, so check to see if your church or place of worship is offering something similar. If not, maybe you can take the initiative to set something up. Churches or other community organizations are a great place to find your three.
Stay Connected Through Regular Check-Ins With “Your Three”
Phone calls, texts, and emails are also important ways to stay in contact with others, including “your three.” For some people, hearing a person’s voice on the other line is important. For others, a back-and-forth text conversation may be more comfortable. I like to participate in small group texts where my friends can jump in when it is convenient. I find this type of communication helpful because we can vent about problems as well as encourage each other in our victories. Doing this can be helpful for your mental health as well as an opportunity to find ways that you can help support others. Try to check-in with “your three” regularly so that you do not let too much time pass by without interaction.
Another idea is to mail or drop off a heartfelt card or letter to someone who might feel lonely or isolated during this time; it could mean more than you might imagine. Sometimes people just need to know that someone is thinking about them.
We Are All In This Together
Although we must remain physically separated during this time, it is important to remember that we are not alone. Community resources, as well as your identified “three,” should still be available, even if communication with them might be more limited or require more creativity. There are so many issues people are wrestling with right now related to food security, tech equity, and more. I have been grateful every day that my kids are able to lean into their three through technology. Technology, when used intentionally, can be an important way to maintain those nurturing and safe relationships that are critical right now. We also need to make sure that our social distancing does not become a breeding ground for ACEs by checking in regularly with those who might be facing difficult situations. If we all work together, we will be able to not only survive during this uncertain time, but THRIVE!
